The dating game...

We all have to do it and it sometimes really sucks. The dating world can be one of great glory or one of absolute suffering. It just depends on the type of person you are looking for and how you go about doing that looking. Sometimes it's better to not even go looking for something that you may not find. I've had good luck and bad luck when it comes to dating. Lately it has all been bad and I've been hurt by guys. It doesn't make it any easier to learn how to trust people when you keep getting hurt but you have to know that just because one person hurt you it doesn't mean the next one will. That's why we all date. We date to go through those experiences and ups and downs. We also date to really learn what we want in a partner.

I always say that I want a partner who is going to have a steady job/career. I want someone who is going to be able to take care of me. My ideal guy is definitely not overweight. I can deal with a guy who is average weight but I prefer much closer to athletically toned. I am a huge sports fan so I get along really well with guys who can talk about sports. That's the main reason that I prefer athletic men because I am used to guys who are built a certain way. I definitely am not into super scrawny guys. To be honest that is a complete turn off for me. One of the guys I dated recently posted that girls should wise up and realize that the guy who looks like an athlete is probably the biggest dick on the block and he's a nice guy. Well this is what I have to say to that. My brother was a State Championship football player and he is built like an athlete...does that make my brother a freaking dick?! HELL NO. You can ask my brother's girlfriend and she will tell you he is the greatest man in the world. You know why because he LOVES to spoil his girlfriend and get her flowers and take her out to nice places for dinner. He is a very successful pharmacist. I want a guy like my brother and if I find one I will know that I am a very lucky girl.

My other requirements for someone that I could end up having a successful dating term with are that they have to be able to have intellectual conversation. If that means I can't date someone who doesn't have a good education or doesn't care about education so be it. Education is important to me. I will be honest I probably didn't have the greatest grades when it came to college but I tried my hardest because getting a college degree was EXTREMELY important to me. To be able to say that I am a college graduate is something that I am VERY proud of. I can't date someone who can't hold an education conversation with me about what is going on in the world or who doesn't sound educated.

Also, I may not be a person who goes out to church every Sunday but I do believe in God and my faith is very important to me. I pray at night for my friends and family and it's part of what keeps me grounded as an individual. When something in my life is not going the way I think it should I look to God and ask him for help with what to do. When my friends are going through a hard times I ask him to be there for them because I believe in the power that he holds. I look forward to the day that I can meet him face to face in spirit. There are so many questions that I would want to ask him. I've tried dating someone that didn't really care one way or the other about God and it was extremely difficult for me. I do want to have children one day and my children will be taught about God and Jesus. Once they get to a certain age it will be up to them to decide what religion they want to choose but I will introduce religion into their lives and I need to be with someone who understands how important it is to me. I can't be with someone who is going to mock me for believing in God.

I've spoken on this blog before about having Celiac Disease. While people may not understand why that would be a factor in the dating life it is. Having that means that my diet is extremely restricted. I can't eat anything that is derived from wheat. So I can't have things containing wheat, barley, rye, and some other things. I can't drink Whiskey which I really miss being able to do. I can still enjoy alcohol but only certain kinds. I need to be with someone who will be understanding that when we go out we can't just go anywhere to eat. Having Celiac Disease means a lot more extra planning when going out to eat or when traveling to different places because I need to ensure that I am going to be able to have things that I can eat. It also means that once I do become a wife and mother my household is probably going to be gluten free because Celiac Disease is not just something that develops over time. It is a genetic disorder and that means that there is a chance that my children will end up with the same thing.

Dating is all about learning what we want and what we don't want in a partner. Don't get discouraged when things don't work out the way you want them to. Don't give up just because the person you thought was what you wanted ended up to be something you didn't want. Keep your head up and get back out there. There are plenty of men and women out there in the world. Also, don't shut yourself off to someone just because they may be from a different culture or follow a different religion than you do. You have to be open to new things when you are dating or you could miss out on something that may end up being the perfect one for you.

Be beautiful in this skin

I read an article today that has me really concerned and sad for this world we are living in. What ever happened to women or people in general being happy with what God gave them. Plastic Surgery is becoming such a trend anymore and it really is terrible to see. Spending thousands and in some cases millions of dollars to alter ourselves to look like someone else. What message does that send the young generation of females? It certainly doesn't send a good one or paint a good picture to the rest of the world about American Women. The message that sends is oh well if you aren't happy with the body you were born with just change it. Girls at 18 years old asking their parents to give them money for boobs! Hello at that age you are still GROWING meaning your chest size is not even where it probably will end up being. Breasts grown and change every day depending on the way you carry your fat when you gain or lose weight.

Now we are having a trend of people having foot surgery to fit into shoes that they can't fit into. Here is a rocket concept why not just buy another pair of shoes that your feet actually do fit into. That saves you a whole hell of a lot more money! Are women really becoming that vain that their looks mean more to them than their health or comfort? Are we really a society now that judges you based on what the fuck shoes you are wearing on your feet?! Well I don't give a shit what shoes I wear as long as I am comfortable in them. If you have a problem with my appearance than you are obviously to shallow and vain for me to even want you to be a part of my life anyway. I personally find it sickening that women are going to that extreme length to actually shorten or lengthen your toes to fit into a pair of shoes! Shoes are manufactured to fit us not the other way around. Our feet are not manufactured to fit them. 

It's a really terrible thing to see that the world is becoming like this. You should all just be happy that God gave you a body to live in. Yes I say a body to live in because otherwise your soul would just be floating around with no body to inhabit. Be happy that he gave you life and be happy with the body he gave you. No one is going to look the same and that is part of the beauty of life. That we are all different in our apperance and personality. Better than than all of the women looking like stepford wives who are just robotic and creepy. I admit that I have my days too where I look in the mirror and am not always happy with some things but I would NEVER pay someone to make me look like someone else or change it. There are other ways around it. You don't need to look like Jessica Simpson to get a man's attention. In fact some men don't even like that kind of woman. 

That whole you have to be tall, blonde, big boobed in order to attrack a man is a bunch of bullshit. Yes I can say from experience when I go out with my friend who in fact is all of those things I notice men pay less attention to me but when I go out on my own men pay attention to me. I work in a job where I see a lot of business men every day and they always are complimenting me about my brown curls or my smile. There is no one perfect look for a woman to have to acheieve. The idea that you have to look like a barbie doll to get attention is fucked up. As long as you are a nice girl and you display confidence you will find a man out there that is going to see you as the most beautiful thing in the room. Men are attracted to confidence most of all. If you walk into the room like you own the place that will catch their eye. If you walk in with your head down like you want to just be invisible to everyone around you than guess what to them you will be. 

Anyway that is my rant of the day...have a lovely weekend everyone

XOXO

I am beautiful...

This is probably the most personal thing I am ever going to put out there on the internet. Because most of you don't know me I won't release names but I want to share my story. Watching this movie called Cyberbullying on netflix made me empowered to write this. 

I have been in those shoes. I have walked into a building and knew people were talking about me. I've had that moment when people all the sudden just stop talking when they see you so you know they were saying something about you. I've gotten the glances and heard the snickers. I know that there were rumours being spread about me that were not true. I know all of this because for every snicker or glance there were good people around me that were honest with me about it. Those are the people that even to this day I still am in contact with because they were good people. 

I have been in that state of mind before from being bullied that you just don't have any strength to go on. You think how can life possibly be this cruel to you and why do you have to be the one to suffer through it. I've had some people I considered friends being among the people who were contributing to the rumours and the bullying. In my high school there were those that were popular and those that were picked on. I was not in the popular category because I made a choice that I wasn't going to exculde people from being my friends based off of their wealth, their sexual preference, or any other stupid thing that high school kids judge others on. 

In this day and age it is so much worse because anything can be said over the internet. Cyberbullying is a HUGE problem in this country. It's easy to be cruel when you have a computer screen to hide behind isn't it? I know I've said some things on the interent that I ended up taking down or deleting because they were really mean. I am sure we all have had those moments. What you need to think about is how what you say about someone affects them and everything around them. What happens when what is said on the internet starts to follow you around? Suddenly what was once maybe some cruel internet prank becomes real. Words do hurt when they start becoming actions. When you start to hear the same mean thing being said about you over and over again. 

There are steps you can take to protect yourself from it. If you are on a social media site and someone starts offesnively messaging you almost every site out there has a block function. All you have to do is click on that button and that person can no longer say anything to you. If you don't want to have anything spread about you than don't give them any ammo. Don't post provocative pictures or anything else that could give them a reason to start saying stuff about you. People are going to talk because it is part of human nature but it's up to you to be smart enough to know when it's appropriate to respond. If you hear something about someone that you know than stand up and say hey that isn't true. It's also very easy to just go along with something instead of standing up against it. That's why they always say there are leaders and than there are followers. 

If you are being bullied please just remember for every person that is saying mean things about you there are plenty more people saying wonderful things about you. For every person who may not like you there are plenty who also do. People aren't always going to like you but in the end does it really matter that much? Does being liked really have that much of an impact on who you are as a person? If you are the best person that you can possibly be and have family and friends that love you shouldn't that have a bigger impact? You are the only one that can control how you react to situations. Revenge is not the answer because that only makes things worse. Suicide is not the answer because that hurts more than just you it hurts everyone who cares about you. 

When people bully you it's because they want to get a reaction out of you. The less you react to them the less they are going to want to do it. That is what they are looking for. They want to see someone react to their bullying and see that they are having an effect on someone. Please if you were bullied or know anyone who has been or is being bullied talk to them. Let them know that they are not alone. Share your stories with them so they know you have been through it to. Stop bullying now before it becomes worse than it already is.

Secrets

We all keep our secrets. There are things that we don't tell anyone. Not even our closets friends or our significant others. When people ask about them we simply smile and deny anything that they suspect. The question is when do those little secrets or lies become the truth? The more that you live in hiding who you really are the more you become the person that you probably don't want to be. Instead of lying about what really happened just admit to doing it. If you did wrong than own up to it because the guilt will end up eating you alive. I've done some things in my life that I was not proud of. I kept secrets that shouldn't have been kept and lost friends over it once the truth finally did come out.

Heck I will go so far as to say in college I became the person I didn't want to be. Hiding who I really was deep down to be in with a crowd. Going out every weekend night drinking. Doing things that were not true to who I really was. Once I left college I never looked back. I got rid of friends and kept some. So when I say it happens the more you pretend to be what you aren't you become that.

Some of us live in the lie that keeping secrets from people protects them. It doesn't. Lying to them and keeping something from them only makes them that much more upset when the truth comes out. Truth ALWAYS finds a way to come out so you are better of saying the truth right from the get go. I want people around me who are going to be brutallt honest and if I look like shit will tell me I look like shit. If you want people around you who are fake and only tell you what you want to hear than be prepared to be hurt a whole heck of a lot of times.

Is there even such a thing as taking a "break"

When people are starting to drift apart in a romantic relationship and are struggling to figure out what the next steps are, Is it safe to say that a break is necessary?; Or does a break only prolong what seems to be the inveitable...that the two of you have drifted and are better off apart. Some relationship seem to survive only when the break is breif, limited to a few weeks or a month tops. I have a relative who took numerous short breaks from her boyfriend and they are now engaged and getting married next summer. 

However, this is not the case for many if not most relationships that a break is initiated. In most cases a break simply is saying I'm not sure if I really want to be in a relationship with you anymore but I'm not ready to break up completely. They just need some time to figure out what they want and usually figure out how exactly to end the relationship without being too hurtful. I say instead of initiating a break just fess up to how you are really feeling. If you are unsure of whether or not your relationship is sustainable then stop trying to make it sustain. Just say that the two of you have drifted apart or lost sight of the original attraction that was there and move on. It is okay to fall out of love with someone and it happens quite often.

I personally don't believe in taking a break because I think it's just a sorry excuse for saying I think we have drifted apart. I agreed to a break once and by the end of the first week I was thinking in my head I am over let's move on. By the 2nd week we had spoken and said it was in the best interest to move on from each other. Yes it hurt because some part of me did love him but I knew that our relationship was headed nowhere and we weren't going to be able to fix that. In my mind there is no such thing as a break. You are either together or you aren't. 

Taking a break is something kids to when they are in middle school and early years of high school, not something two adults do when they are in an adult relationship. An adult relationship is very cut and dry either you want to be together or you don't there is no "well I'm not sure if I want to be with you so many we need some time apart" that's crap. I understand there are different circumstances in every relationship but most cases of "taking a break" end in a complete break up.

Love hurts and there is no other way to say it. Sometimes you could love someone so much and when they stop loving you it literally feels like a piece of you is gone. Even the most loving relationships where people are happy can hurt sometimes. That's unfortunately just how the world works. Just because one relationship has ended and you feel broken it doesn't mean you are always going to feel that way. 

There are plenty of people in the world and there are plenty of chances to find someone else who you will love. I don't believe in such a thing as having one true love. I think that in your lifetime you will have many loves until you meet the person who you are going to be with for the rest of your life.

My thoughts on sports fans

Fans of sports come in many different shapes, sizes, colors, and most of all personalities. One persons favorite team is not the same as another persons. That doesn’t make them bad people it just means they like different teams. There is nothing wrong with that. It is part of what makes loving sports so exciting.

When it crosses the line that’s when it becomes a problem. We all have our own opinions formed about different players and teams. No one will share the same opinion. However, just because your opinions may differ it does not make the other person right or wrong; nor does it make them an “asshole” just because they like or dislike a certain team or player.

There are fans of every team who are ignorant and disrespectful at times, it happens. Those fans though do not equate to the masses. Just because a group of fans may boo someone or cheer when a player gets injured; doesn’t mean all of them do. Some of us do know how to have class when it comes to sports.

That being said is it really that difficult to understand that when you insult someone’s favorite player or team they are going to react unfriendly? The beauty of a sports fan is the passion and love they have for their team. If you attack something that someone else loves and has a passion for they are going to give the same hostility right back at you. If you can’t handle the heat than stay out of the kitchen as the old saying goes.

Accept it for what it is. Sports fans are passionate, loving, crazy fun people and that is what makes them awesome.

when life throws you lemons...

A few months ago my life threw me a huge, sour, lemon and ever since then everything is different. I had been getting sick and my legs were starting to go numb. That was the first sign that there was really a problem that had to be taken care of. After going through one doctor and multiple expensive tests that later were found to be completely useless and unnecessary I went for a second opinion. That second opinion from my current doctor who I trust saved me from probably ending up in the hospital.

All my life as a little girl I grew up loving to eat pasta, pizza, cheesy garlic bread, breaded chicken, etc. However, there was the occasion that I would feel completely and utterly sick to my stomach afterwards. The pain would be so unbearable it often times led me to go to the school nurse while I was in school. My parents just brushed it off as something that was all in my head as many parents do when their kids start to frequent the school nurse. Then as I got older we thought maybe it was lactose intolerance because of the cheese on the pizza. I have always had a sensitive stomach and it just seemed like at the beginning of this year it had gotten worse.

It turns out that I have Celiac Disease, it is still being learned about but it is a lot more commonly diagnosed now than it was years ago. There are also a lot more options out there now than there were when they first started figuring out what this problem really was. It is not officially termed as an autoimmune disease but technically according to most doctors it is. Celiac Disease is a genetic malformation where your body does not produce the gene that it needs in order to digest wheat, barley, rye or similar things. Basically yes all forms of pasta, breads and things like that are out of question for us to be able to eat. I have family members that have it and I was just the lucky one in the family to also be diagnosed with it. It's a simple blood test diagnosis however, be prepared because it is a very expensive blood test.

I'll admit that when I first was told that I had to change my entire diet it hit me pretty hard. I cried for about a week straight every time I would see people eating things that I used to love eating and couldn't eat anymore it was hard. I'm very lucky that I was diagnosed in a time that they are making much more options for gluten free people. There are actually some very good varieties of gluten free pastas and breads. I have found that Bostons Gourmet Pizza makes a very delicious gluten free pizza that has not once made me sick because they prepare it specially. It took me a while to start to really accept that I had to change my eating habits around if I wanted to have a healthy life. Every now and then I still get upset watching others enjoy things that I can no longer enjoy. Yes, I was a beer drinker and a Whiskey drinker so it's been very hard on me not to be able to enjoy those things when I go out with my friends.

I'm lucky that I have a great family and great group of friends who have been very supportive. They have all made sure that they take the right measures when it comes to having family meals or going out to dinner that they think about my diet. It's a much  more expensive diet too because of how gluten free foods have to be prepared. At least I can still have my grilled chicken breast and potatoes. There are a lot of ways to turn non gluten free recipes into gluten free recipes with the right ingredients. They make gluten free flour that you can use for cooking and baking and they make gluten free breadcrumbs if you enjoy your fried chicken...cause I certainly do.

What upsets me is that some people think of this as just being some kind of diet fad that the country is catering to when that is not the case at all. There are people that absolutely have to follow this diet in order for them to stay healthy. Celiac Disease will kill you if you do not get diagnosed and do not change your diet. It eventually destroys your intestine and then you will go into organ failure. That's why it's important if you have it in your family history and you start having symptoms that are similar to get checked. I know that my children if I have them in the future have a chance they could be born with it too. What people don't know is that sometimes it doesn't present itself by causing you stomach pain. Mine didn't, mine presented by having peripheral neuropathy like symptoms where my legs and arms would go numb and tingle. People with Celiac Disease do sometimes also have peripheral neuropathy as a secondary symptom. Please don't be ignorant in thinking that restaurants and companies are making gluten free foods and menu options to cater to some dietary fad. They are doing it because it is a health issue and they are trying to cater to all of their patrons.

I've accepted that this is my health and it's never going to be changed. This is something that I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life but it could be much worse. I am still very blessed that I only have a small problem and not something major like one of my best friends has to deal with. It's a pain in the butt yes but it's my only option to live a healthy life, follow a gluten free diet and everything will be fine. I know deep down that God only throws at a person enough for them to handle. He won't throw at you more than your capable of overcoming. I have a great support system around me for when I do have those moments of frustration.